Never Think... We're Drones

Wow, it's been years since I wrote anything on this blog, and as I read some of my old posts I realise that this was an open diary of sorts, a place I kept my thoughts. I see that many of the old wounds I spoke of have healed, faded to insignificant scar tissue. 

I look back and think that at the time, I thought these things the most painful of my life. I realise now, that what I had were paper cuts compared to the gaping wounds that now scar me. But I find solace in knowing that now I have people in my life who will sew the wounds back together when they become to much for me to bear...

Death; are we every truly prepared for it? As you stare him in the face and look into the black... Are you prepared? How do you prepare? Do you buy a casket? Draw up a will? Try to remember that song, the one you always said you wanted to be the last song you heard. The song you want to be the one that sends goose bumps down the arms of those who love you when they hear it come on the radio, as they're stuck in traffic, trapped in their car, slumped against the stearing wheel, tears pricking in their eyes...?

What memories do you hope they speak of, as they stand in front of your casket, staring out at all of the people who loved you, or liked you, or felt that they should be there; to say goodbye? What moments in time mattered? Who will they speak of? The person you think you are? The person they thought you were? Or some person in between?

What questions will they ponder, after you're gone; of life and love and God? Will they think kindly of the world that took you away? Or will they face the world with blackness in their heart, and renounce any hope of a deity that would allow them to see you again? Will the world become a black, empty place that holds no chance for happiness or hope? 

Will you regret not taking chances you had? Or be satisfied with the life you lead? Are we ever truly satisfied? 

When the minutes of your life are counting down, when only mere seconds remain, will you beg for more time? Will you believe you deserve it? Will you pray to a God you never truly believed in? Or will you accept the end with one last breath?

What about those you leave behind? Will you pray for a God that would allow you to see them again? 

When all you have left is one chance to make the wrongs right, will you take it?

When all that remains is one last thought to say aloud... What will it be? Who will you speak your last words for? Yourself? Your family? Your friends? When the house is burning down around you... Who will you save?

These questions have been swirling around the sinkhole that is my mind... And answers seem to escape me, no matter how hard I search...

...When all I have left is a box of memories and a wound that festers and burns and refuses to heal, will I regret the things I didn't say...?

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true. --Steve Jobs"

It Ain't A Lot, But It's All I Have...

I'd like to think I'm getting better at this blogging thing, but I don't think I am... darn.

Today, I start with a question. An answer is not required, I just feel the need to express.

Does it hurt less to miss someone if you believe that you will see them again? I guess what I mean by this is, all the people out there that believe in God, do they believe in Him because believing gives them the hope that all the people they lose, they will see again one day, in some place with fluffy white cloud-cushions and harps playing in the background (clearly I'm not up on my Heaven references) 'Cause I mean, I could almost go for this God thing, if it gave me the opportunity to see all the people I've lost and all the people I miss again.
But, I don't get it. I don't understand how people who believe in God, can do it so vehemently.
Can anyone be that sure about anything?
Isn't there some doubt?
And then there are like different religions.
What if you pick the wrong one?
Is there a wrong one?
Are they all right?
And if so, how?
It just doesn't make sense... but I guess, it isn't suppose to, right? Wrong? I'm really not sure. Apologies for the rambling here. I've just been wondering lately if I'll ever get the chance to have one more conversation with someone that I miss.
I imagine I'm not the only one though.



Anyway, moving on, here is some awesomely-huge brilliant news!!! (drum roll)

Confirmation that Jellybean is a Unicorn!!! Hells yes!!! I'm thinking birth is going to be a bitch for Shorty, but hey, who doesn't want to give birth to a mythical creature, huh?

Joking aside, Jellybean is a perfectly healthy baby Girl!!! Growing normally, good strong heartbeat, all the right bones and... stuff. (I don't really know much more than that the ultrasound pic look like the Punisher)

So happy she's a girl!!! (I still would have loved her if she was a boy though)

Shorty and Blake are both ecstatic, as are all of the residents of the Asylum :D
Only a few more months until our newest resident arrives.

Telle and I are sourly lacking on our womanly skills, as we are yet to organize the baby shower, but we are working on it. Not really sure how to plan one, but I'm sure we'll work it out... if not... I'm sure Shorty will still love us... maybe.



Shorty and Baby Jellybean



Telle and Baby Jellybean



Me and Baby Jellybean


So, that is pretty much my blog for the moment. Not very interesting, but hey, entertainment I am not.

As per usual, here is my quote.

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
--Albert Einstein

I dub thee, Crazy Day!!!

4th of January 2011
8:37am

Okay, so at the moment I’m sitting on a bus that is taking me, well… around the world. But my destination is Gosford. I will eventually get there; it will just take me about an hour and a half, even though Gosford is really only about 20 mins away.

Why am I doing it? Well, I’m going to Gosford to meet up with a friend, Shorty. (If you read the ‘Introduction to the Asylum’ package, you’ll know who she is.) I’m taking her a Crazy Day present. Now I know I haven’t explained about Crazy Day before, so I’ll give you the 411.

Crazy Day is a day that we invented years ago. How many years? I’m not sure, but a fair few. Crazy Day occurs on… well, any day you want it to, All that’s required is a random gift and a letter. I haven’t actually written Shorty’s letter yet. In fact, I’m not even sure I have a piece of paper on me.

I wonder if an email or a mention in my blog would count as a letter? Hmm… *ponders*

Anyway, today the random gift Shorty will be receiving is ~drum roll~ a set of USB microphones for Wii!!! So, random huh?

Well really it’s not quite as random as you’d think. I bought U-Sing for my Wii a few weeks back and Shorty and her Husband (Blakus, see aforementioned ‘Introduction’) came over and played it for a while. I thought they enjoyed it so I got a set of mic’s for them. (I’m also lending them my U-Sing game, cause what use would the mic’s be without a game?) *crosses fingers* I hope she likes it. :D


So, I’m quite hopeful that something interesting will happen to me on the way to Gosford. ‘Cause it’s kinda gunna suck if the most interesting thing about this blog is my excessive use of exclamation points!!!

~Some time later~

Sadly, nothing of astounding interest happened to me on the bus ride. I did manage to find a post-it note to write Shorty’s Crazy Day letter on though. Then me and Shorty played U-sing and tortured her neighbors. Fun was had. :D






8th of January 2011
12:45pm

Today is the one year anniversary of the day my Nan passed away. I guess all I can say is I really didn’t realize how much I’d miss her. I didn’t really start to get close to her until just a few years ago. I feel like I wasted a lot of time not knowing her. I mean, I knew her, and I visited her with family on special occasions like Christmas and stuff, but I was really just a kid, I didn’t value the time with her, I just complained that I wasn’t somewhere else… now I wish I could get some of that time back.

I guess that saying ‘You don’t know what you’ve got ‘til it’s gone’ really rings true here.

I don’t really know what my religious beliefs are, God, Jesus and all that… it’s not something I really know about, or concern myself with. But, no matter my beliefs, I do hope that my Nan is somewhere at peace. It’s kinda sucky thinking that at the end of this all you get is a wooden box or an urn that gets carted around by relatives and forgotten about until one day when someone accidentally lets one of the kids near it and then… well, you’re dust.
Maybe that is all there is, but for my Nan, I hope it’s something better.

So, here is a little something from a song I really love, that describes a lot of what I feel right now. I really love that about music, that it can describe a feeling I can’t.


I still can’t believe you’re gone, but you still live on in me. I feel you in the wind, you guide me constantly. I carry the things that remind me of you. In loving memory of the one that was so true. You were as kind as anyone could be, and even though you’re gone, you still mean the world to me.
--Alter Bridge, In Loving Memory.


Anyway, I’ll stop this crazy rambling. This, I think, will be my blog for the week. I don't know if anyone actually reads my blog, and to be honest, it doesn't really bother me if no one does, it's more for me than anyone else.

I know, for the one person who reads this just to be obnoxious, 'Why write a public blog if you don't want anyone to read it?' I don't mind if someone reads it, it's not a diary entry, I simply don't mind if no one does.


So, you probably don't know this about me yet, but I'll let you in on a secret. I'm kinda addicted to quotes. So you will most likely see them at the bottom of the majority of my posts, and here is today's...


"Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once."
--Lillian Dickson