Sunday, June 28, 2015

Never Think... We're Drones

Wow, it's been years since I wrote anything on this blog, and as I read some of my old posts I realise that this was an open diary of sorts, a place I kept my thoughts. I see that many of the old wounds I spoke of have healed, faded to insignificant scar tissue. 

I look back and think that at the time, I thought these things the most painful of my life. I realise now, that what I had were paper cuts compared to the gaping wounds that now scar me. But I find solace in knowing that now I have people in my life who will sew the wounds back together when they become to much for me to bear...

Death; are we every truly prepared for it? As you stare him in the face and look into the black... Are you prepared? How do you prepare? Do you buy a casket? Draw up a will? Try to remember that song, the one you always said you wanted to be the last song you heard. The song you want to be the one that sends goose bumps down the arms of those who love you when they hear it come on the radio, as they're stuck in traffic, trapped in their car, slumped against the stearing wheel, tears pricking in their eyes...?

What memories do you hope they speak of, as they stand in front of your casket, staring out at all of the people who loved you, or liked you, or felt that they should be there; to say goodbye? What moments in time mattered? Who will they speak of? The person you think you are? The person they thought you were? Or some person in between?

What questions will they ponder, after you're gone; of life and love and God? Will they think kindly of the world that took you away? Or will they face the world with blackness in their heart, and renounce any hope of a deity that would allow them to see you again? Will the world become a black, empty place that holds no chance for happiness or hope? 

Will you regret not taking chances you had? Or be satisfied with the life you lead? Are we ever truly satisfied? 

When the minutes of your life are counting down, when only mere seconds remain, will you beg for more time? Will you believe you deserve it? Will you pray to a God you never truly believed in? Or will you accept the end with one last breath?

What about those you leave behind? Will you pray for a God that would allow you to see them again? 

When all you have left is one chance to make the wrongs right, will you take it?

When all that remains is one last thought to say aloud... What will it be? Who will you speak your last words for? Yourself? Your family? Your friends? When the house is burning down around you... Who will you save?

These questions have been swirling around the sinkhole that is my mind... And answers seem to escape me, no matter how hard I search...

...When all I have left is a box of memories and a wound that festers and burns and refuses to heal, will I regret the things I didn't say...?

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true. --Steve Jobs"