Sunday, June 28, 2015

Never Think... We're Drones

Wow, it's been years since I wrote anything on this blog, and as I read some of my old posts I realise that this was an open diary of sorts, a place I kept my thoughts. I see that many of the old wounds I spoke of have healed, faded to insignificant scar tissue. 

I look back and think that at the time, I thought these things the most painful of my life. I realise now, that what I had were paper cuts compared to the gaping wounds that now scar me. But I find solace in knowing that now I have people in my life who will sew the wounds back together when they become to much for me to bear...

Death; are we every truly prepared for it? As you stare him in the face and look into the black... Are you prepared? How do you prepare? Do you buy a casket? Draw up a will? Try to remember that song, the one you always said you wanted to be the last song you heard. The song you want to be the one that sends goose bumps down the arms of those who love you when they hear it come on the radio, as they're stuck in traffic, trapped in their car, slumped against the stearing wheel, tears pricking in their eyes...?

What memories do you hope they speak of, as they stand in front of your casket, staring out at all of the people who loved you, or liked you, or felt that they should be there; to say goodbye? What moments in time mattered? Who will they speak of? The person you think you are? The person they thought you were? Or some person in between?

What questions will they ponder, after you're gone; of life and love and God? Will they think kindly of the world that took you away? Or will they face the world with blackness in their heart, and renounce any hope of a deity that would allow them to see you again? Will the world become a black, empty place that holds no chance for happiness or hope? 

Will you regret not taking chances you had? Or be satisfied with the life you lead? Are we ever truly satisfied? 

When the minutes of your life are counting down, when only mere seconds remain, will you beg for more time? Will you believe you deserve it? Will you pray to a God you never truly believed in? Or will you accept the end with one last breath?

What about those you leave behind? Will you pray for a God that would allow you to see them again? 

When all you have left is one chance to make the wrongs right, will you take it?

When all that remains is one last thought to say aloud... What will it be? Who will you speak your last words for? Yourself? Your family? Your friends? When the house is burning down around you... Who will you save?

These questions have been swirling around the sinkhole that is my mind... And answers seem to escape me, no matter how hard I search...

...When all I have left is a box of memories and a wound that festers and burns and refuses to heal, will I regret the things I didn't say...?

"No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true. --Steve Jobs"

Monday, July 18, 2011

If I Go, Who Could Blame Me?

Okay, so along with my Top 5 Blog for this week-ish, here is my actual blog.

Some interesting things have been happening here in the Asylum.

Here are just a few of the things that have happened recently.

We had a temporary new member… let’s call her Barron. Sadly, though I’m not to choked up about it, it was decided that she was too insane, even for the asylum. So she was booted out. We’ll miss you Barron… *cough cough*

The Asylum will also be doing some relocation and renovations, expanding and thinking of a color change. I’m thinking red walls. *evil smile* Everyone has been pretty frantic packing and getting ready for the change. We’re also still waiting on the arrival of our soon-to-be newest member Jellybean. No to much longer now. :D

We’re also celebrating another birthday this month in the Asylum. My own Parental will be celebrating a birthday… right about now actually.

Happy Birthday Parental!!! :D

More ever-so-interesting things, I’ve had a visitor for the last few days, someone who isn’t at this present moment in the introduction package (Apologies, Dude) but mostly that’s because she is my sparring partner in the Asylum. I’ve had more fights with this girl in the 10+ years that I’ve known her than I’ve had… umm… little multi-colored pills, or something. Basically, we fight, a lot. But we’re always friends at the end of the day… week… month… year… my birthday *evil smile*

She’s joining the Asylum for a while, testing it out. Seeing how insane she can be.
It’ll be good to have some new blood around here… it’ll give a nice shade to the walls. Moi ha ha.

Anyways, other things have probably happened since the last time I blogged about me, but I can never remember them… my bad.

^^This is Dude. Read more about her in the introduction package... coming soon.
Or you can also catch her over at TheBookMystress

"One is very crazy when in love."
--Sigmund Freud

This Week/Fortnight's Really Really Late Top 5 Songs

1) Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri

Okay, my reason for loving this song… Well, it’s pretty fucking awesome. Christina Perri has an amazing voice, and the song is beautiful. It’s so full of emotion and pain. I’m not usually into ‘mainstream’ music, but I honestly think this song has indie roots. It’s not as… clean as your typical pop song. Lyrics that speak to me the most… No, I can't take one more step towards you, ‘Cause all that's waiting is regret .Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore, you lost the love I loved the most. I learned to live, half alive, and now you want me one more time.

2) Inventing Shadows – Dia Frampton

So this is not the first time Dia Frampton has appeared on this blog, and I guarantee it will not be the last. She has an amazing voice, and is so original. I love everything she’s done, from Dia & Ian, to Meg & Dia and now her solo career too. I’m so glad she got as far as she did on ‘The Voice’ she deserves all the success she will gain from the show. She writes amazing lyrics and sings with an honesty worthy of Suzie Quatro. Lyrics that speak to me… And you stare out the window at the passing cars, and you look at the sky, thank your unlucky stars. No you're never quite happy right where you are.

3) Scars – Papa Roach

Hmm, I can’t think of one particular reason why I love this song. It is one of those songs that will always be a favorite of mine, for so many reasons. This week I’ve been listening to this song because… well, because it was a nice change, for a little while to remember some of the music that I spent my teenage angst-ridden years listening to. It was really hard to pick out the lines that speak to me the most because the whole song speaks to me, but here are the lines that stood out the most to me when I revisited Papa Roach… I'm drunk and I'm feeling down and I just wanna be alone, you shouldn't ever come around why don't you just go home? I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut, my weakness is that I care too much and our scars remind us that the past is real, I tear my heart open just to feel.

4) Outside – Staind

This song kind of reflects a situation that is going on in the Asylum at the moment. It’s an amazing song, by an amazing band. I had heard it years ago, but came across it only a few days ago as a recommendation on iTunes. The lead singer, Aaron Lewis, has an amazing vocal range, and writes amazing lyrics. Lyrics that speak to me… But I'm on the outside and I'm looking in, I can see through you, see your true colors 'cause inside you're ugly, you're ugly like me I can see through you, see to the real you.

5) Grenade – Bruno Mars

Okay, not a song you would expect me to like, huh? Well truth is, I really didn’t like this song, until a member of the Asylum had me listen to it a few times, and now I have to say… it’s growing on me. I mean, it isn’t my typical style of music, but I’m open to anything. Plus, the lyrics are pretty good. They have a lot of meaning, and a really sweet nature. I also had to sit through the Music Video Clip *shoots eye daggers across the room at evil Bruno Mars fan* but it was actually pretty good. Lyrics that speak to me… If my body was on fire you would watch me burn down in flames. You said you loved me, you're a liar ‘cause you never ever ever did, baby.

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music."
-- Aldous Huxley